I Beat Myself With A Coathanger

I chose the maroon turtle neck this morning. With black pants and my black and white blazer, it’s one of my standard work outfits. Comfortable, yet professional. I’ve worn this ensemble a thousand times.

But, this morning, something odd happened. The clothes hanger became stuck as I attempted to remove it from the turtleneck. A hanger is obviously much wider than the small neck opening of a turtleneck. That’s obvious to me now. Very obvious. I gave the plastic hanger a good tug, and it came flying up out of the turtleneck and snapped me good, right across the face. I was shocked by its animosity. After all, what had I ever done to it?

Now, my face hurts. It looks as if it might leave a nice welt. What will I say when people ask me what happened to my face?

• Nothing, it always looks like this.
• Grizzly bear attack. Come on, you know city life is brutal!
• Peanut allergy
• I joined a fight club.

Or, should I remain true to my own goofy self and tell the truth?

• I beat myself with a coat hanger.

Kind of reminds me of the time when my daughter was jumping around, and she landed too hard in a squatting position. Her own knee jerked upward and she gave herself a black eye. I’m just thankful no one questioned her story. Try explaining that one to the Child Protection people.

You can’t make this stuff up.